The September Project 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

(written 09.02.06-9:04 p.m.)

wake up from a two-hour nap
rent check on the table
think if i shd deposit it now
or wait until tomorrow
when i was gonna go out
for my one weekend exit
to get myself some lithium
and some lesser meds
if i deposit it within the hour
i'll have money for the holiday weekend
otherwise i'll only have $30
to last me until tuesday
and i'll have to call my dad
to borrow money for my meds
so i throw on yesterday's therapy clothes
i'm not seeing no one
make my deposit
pick up my lithium
before deathy-defying diabetes
withe orange,grapferuit, and apple juices
and some powerade, too.

09.02.06-9:13 p.m.

i’ve been tired the whole day
a three-hour nap i put away
i wanna eat
don’t wanna cook
could you call cooking
making tunafish?
but i’d have to wash a bowl
and a fork and a spoon
and i don’t wanna do that either.

(written 09.04.06-4:48 p.m.)

i’m enjoying my new old cordless phone
see it was dying pretty quickly
and an old business partner kept freaking out
about it
so i had to get a new one to appease him
and now three years later
and i just replaced the battery
but it still dies real quickly
but i don’t wanna replace the battery
’cause i just replaced it
and so it keeps dying pretty quickly
so i plug in the old cordless phone
stick in a nine-volt battery
and now that phone is going strong
it’s holding the charge without failing
and unlike the new phone
the old has switches to shut off
the headset ringer
and the bass ringer, too
so now when i go to bed too late
shut the ringers off
the speaker volume
and my cell phone, too
and count nine hours
from the time i’m going to sleep
allowing up to 59 minutes to snooze
to sports radio 66 wfan.

(written 09.07.06-1:16 a.m.)

and my family’s all together
all together at different times
and i am all alone in my home
like i am most of the time
and we talk throughout the day
to say hi or ask the same
old questions they keep asking
the ones that never change
what should we watch on tv tonight
one niece calls me tv guide
have you sent out a resume
and i don’t tell a lie.

(written 09.07.06-1:11 a.m.)

when you perform
the rectal
is it ok
if i close my eyes
and picture you
not getting paid
this not being a procedure
picture it
another way
think of you
as you walk away.

(written 09.07.06-1:19 a.m.)

i don’t inquire about things i know
because after 16 years i shouldn’t be inquiring
so if you want me to play your reindeer games
and if not i like the way i’m playing.

(written 09.11.06-1:13 a.m.)

i like
the way that you reply
to all
of my emails
so fast
with all the of the answers
that’s the way
that i like it done.

(written 09.11.06-1:19 a.m.)

thank you dad
for laying out for the
mets playoff tickets
’cause yre the one
i most want to go with
i’ll get my share
get it to you slowly
how to ever
ever catch up.

09.09.06-1:30 p.m.

escalator’s out
@ the W.4th St. subway
and i have to transfer
but weigh so much more
than i should
a woman is waiting
for the elevator
(i always forget about the elevator)

she goes in first
i follow to the side
she pushes for the lower level
then looks up at me
i smile like yre supposed to
in an elevator
and then she gets out

i hope it wasn’t
’cause you thought i’d rape you
’cause i don’t know you
well enough to do that.

(written 09.11.06-1:00 a.m.)

the only reason i know it’s brian’s birthday
is that it’s september 10th.

(written 09.13.06-11:28 p.m.)

i’m in the same place i was five years ago
my bed, watching tv.

(written 09.13.06-11:29 p.m.)

i don’t understand
how hard it is
to have your act together
when you’re running a club
i have a show tonight
they say they double-booked
can i start my show a half an hour late
it’s just a half an hour
so i say okay
but i’m wondering
how come they just found out today
and then at the club 30 minutes becomes 45
and the manager says he tried to get them off stage.
do you want me to try,
i can do it no problem,
just bring up the lights
and cut the sound,
but he doesn’t do anything
promises discounted drinks
and i’m close to telling
all the musicians let’s leave
we finally take the stage
90 minutes late
at 10:30 p.m. on a work night
now couldn’t they have just said
you’re going on at 10:30 p.m.
and then i would’ve had to say if that’s ok
we wound up only breaking even,
well, losing money
because they wouldn’t comp
our cds they recorded of the night
that’s the last time i play mo pitkin’s
and in case you haven’t yet,
well don’t.

09.13.06-11:39 p.m.

it’s the end of rockstar: supernova
the band has picked lukas
as their lead singer
my brother thought they would take magni
and i thought that it was gonna be toby,
but they were eliminated first tonight.
i told my brother when we talked before the show
that i guess we wouldn’t be speaking anymore
why he asked me
and i told him we’re only talking because of the show
he said i can call anyways
but i don’t call people who don’t call me i said
i called you yesterday he told me.
later i remembered it was about the show.

(written 09.17.06-8:37 p.m.)

so i emailed the club owner
to tell him of all the problems
that i had at my show there the other night
it’s not the kind of thing i do
but it was what i had to do
and so i did it.

(written 09.17.06-8:45 p.m.)

i sent the paper to the printer
at an early hour, well an hour which was early to me,
which was midnight
and then robert and i connected
a while later on the phone
there were a couple of font problems
but he fixed them
and we’re good
and we say goodnight ’til next month.

(written 09.17.06-8:51 p.m.)

called my distributor this morning
to make sure that the paper was ready
my dad on the way with his jeep
to help me out
the paper’s ready, the lady said to me
so dad and me we head to the printer
i get buzzed in
and find the person to pay
the same woman from the phone
she asks me what i pay
and i tell her
she keeps questioning if that’s right
then fills out a receipt for me
but it seems like the wrong one
and i don’t want to correct her
so i don’t
and then she sees the credit card in my hand
“oh,no,” she yipes.
“why you no tell me credit card?”
she says her boss is gonna kill her,
and i tell her to just tell him that she made a mistake,
so she has me draw a big x through the form
and the word cancel underneath
then i follow her over
to where she runs my credit card
“it no work,” she says.
and i tell her it’s a debit card
a master money card,
with just enough money to print the paper
and then she looks at the receipt,
“oh, i charge you $19,000,” and she laughs
before running it
and giving me a receipt to give the guys downstairs
so i can leave with the papers
and when i get downstairs
no ones there
and i walk around the printing presses
looking for my paper
and all around the floor none are there
i finally find a guy who speaks english
and i say i’m here to pick up boog city
“we haven’t printed that yet,” he tells me
but the lady on the phone said they were ready
“she never knows what she’s talking about.”
my dads out in the car
and he came here from long island
anything you can do?
he says he’ll check in the back
comes out a few minutes later
says he can have the 2,000 copies
ready in half an hour
and i say thank you.

09.17.06-8:32 p.m.

jim came over last night
there was an email
“you watching the mets game?”
and his cell phone number
so i reply
and then i call him
and then he calls me back
“want company?”
sure i say
laying on my bed in the dark
“you want anything,” he asks
and there is so much that i want
but i have no money
and i know jim probably doesn’t either
so i tell him no
and once he’s in my apartment
he talks in fast spurts
while standing and swinging a plastic baseball bat
i mention that i’m thinking about ordering mexican
’cause i have $10 on my credit card
he makes a face and says
how about a pizza pie
and then he offers to treat
i say thank you
we share his diet sunkist
that he bought because he knows i like it
and we each kept eating slices
as the mets kept failing to clinch
before we stopped with two left
and jim put it box and all in the fridge
later that night
right before i went to bed
i went back and ate one cold.

and then this morning,
an hour after my first pill
when i’m allowed to eat
i grab that last slice from the fridge
thanks jim.

(written 09.22.06-12:11 p.m.)

she reminded me
about our friend’s play reading that night
and then we all met at my place
and walked to the theater
half of the play was an animal fantasy
the other half a family melodrama
afterward they had a q&a to improve the play
i went home to hopefully see the mets clinch

(written 09.22.06-12:23 p.m.)

received december postcards
in the mail from sean
they were from the first december in four years
when he didn’t send me a poem-postcard everyday
and so i emailed him
wondering why now
he said he found them in his apartment
and thought he’d send them
i told him he was a postcard tease.

(written 09.22.06-12:29 p.m.)

the power of a letter to the owner of a club,
about the problems that you had during your last show there
yields two phone calls from chicago from the guy who booked the show,
and apologies
and an offer
to do a regular series
before you book another show there, and he says keep all the door.

(written 09.22.06-12:37 p.m.)

i overslept nathaniel
taking me to the john lennon film
and then my phone
an old friend of mine
and he came over
saw my mets stuff
and i mentioned i had tickets to sell
and he said he’d buy them
then he asked if i wanted to smoke
and so we went out on the terrace
and i ripped my throat up
and it felt good
after the third time
before he kept on
without me
then we went inside
and he checked his wallet
he was short of the dough
said he’d come back with it
i never thought he would
’cause that’s him
but he came back
handed me sixty bucks
it was the first money
i’ve had in a week

(written 09.25.06-12:29 p.m.)

i keep getting calls from my family
what train am i getting to come home for rosh hashanah
and eventually i say what i’m feeling
that i wasn’t planning on coming
and i’d get a few questions
and a few directives
before the call ended
into the next one.
but i’ve been too broke to do laundry
and that doesn’t really matter
when you leave your home once a week
but i only have a few dress shirts
and they were all dirty
and so was everything else.
add that to inertia
and just not wanting to go
a sweet new year in front of my tv.

(written 09.25.06-12:40 p.m.)

my mother asked when they should pick me up
at the train station for rosh hashanah
i said i wasn’t coming
and she said if i wasn’t coming
then i shouldn’t come again.

(written 09.25.06-12:48 p.m.)

i cleaned my big cupboard out,
discarding all the cans my mom gave me
that i never cooked
(and now were expired)
that left about a dozen cans of soup,
mainly store brand vegetarian vegetable,
a box of mac and cheese,
and a bag of egg noodles.
and from me there were
two cans of black beans
and a box of ronzoni number nine spaghetti.
and that’s what i’ll be cooking
’til some money comes in

(written 09.28.06-1:02 p.m.)

roommate back from chicago
told me he’s made up his mind back there to go
and after only two months
what’s a boy supposed to do.

(written 09.28.06-11:08 p.m.)

return to craig’s list majesty
to find a new roommate who’ll help me live
first post at 1:20 p.m.
80 minutes later 40 replies

(written 09.28.06-1:12 p.m.)

found out yesterday
that my first tickets
to a mets playoff game this postseason
fall on the day of one of my events,
and i thought of moving it forward a day,
but i have an editor coming in from cali,
four writers, a musician, and the gallery,
and i can’t impose on all of them
so i can go to a met playoff game
so i hope the mets make it to the next round
when this problem won’t happen.

but then i remember jordan has a saturday plan
and maybe he’ll get different games than me and my sunday plan
and sure enough he does
so i call him up to trade,
his game one for my game two,
says that sounds like a possibility,
he’ll call me tonight
or in the morning.

(written 09.30.06-10:04 p.m.)

first therapy in a month,
counseling since like 13
when i would get in fights all the time
be suspended for supposedly hitting a teacher
after i broke out of his headlock
another time i locked this kid kevin fried in a locker in gym class
it was funny until our gym teacher, mr. plya, yanked me hard away
after he sprung the locker open
i wonder where kevin fried is now
and what that did to him
first time out in a while
don’t know how long

(written 10.01.06-1:49 a.m.)

my roommate’s moving out today
another 23-year-old kid
eaten up by the big city
he made that fatal mistake—
quitting one job before had another.
i’m watching dogma with lauren
while eating Italian she fronted for
the first money i’ve spent in a week
other than $2.71
on a 32 ounce plain, nonfat yogurt at gristede’s.
and my roommate’s dad asks if he can talk to me for a minute
so i go into the hall
and he hands me the keys
and his phone number back in vegas
said to call him on tuesday there
to figure out his son’s money,
and i tried to solve it there,
but couldn’t,
and i have two months scratch,
so that’s cool,
and he leaves
i look at the emptied room,
there’s all this garbage i’ll have to deal with.
i yell for the father at the elevator,
he comes back,
and i tell him how it has to be cleaned
ask if his son has left or he’s coming back,
he’s left, he said,
and i’m into the fuck it realm,
and say goodbye.

09.30.06-10:04 p.m.

with no zach $
i got some from my folks
to come home for yom kippur
(don’t be mad, if i don’t make the fast)
then i picked up some meds
and went shopping for the first time in a week
’cause i had no money
i bought three garlic bagels
and two everythings
two plum tomatos
and a red onion
a nestea sugar free decaffeinated iced tea mix
1/2-gallon of tropicana original oj
a small bag of m&m peanuts
4 32oz powerade fruit punch
two bricks of cream cheese
a pint of sour cream
bag of potato chips
and a bag of pretzels


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